Expats: DON’T do New Year resolutions.
Christmas and the New Year can be difficult times for Expats. This holiday tends to be either, extremely busy and stressful or oddly quiet and a bit lonely for those of us living abroad. It’s a time of over indulgence and falling back on trusted coping mechanisms like smoking and drinking. No surprise then that when New Year’s Eve comes around we tend to pick one of the perennial favourite resolutions: Lose Weight; Quit Smoking; Drink Less.
Scrap that, you need to be gentle with yourself. Most Expats will have had one of the following types of holidays:
Have tried to keep everyone happy. Travelling ‘home’ loaded with presents, dashing around making sure you don’t miss anyone out, partying with everyone and then collapsing exhausted on the flight home.
Have spent the holiday period in their adopted country, filling it with activities to avoid missing friends and family ‘at home’. Often yo-yoing between over-doing it and recovery.
Have had too much time alone and been mulling things over too much.
None of which are great places to decide on a resolution and make it stick. Instead, do it differently this year, and do this instead ...
Reflect on 2016 FIRST.
A lot of us do use this period to reflect on the year that just passed. January is named after the roman god Janus. He is the god of beginnings and endings and he is depicted with two heads, one looking to the past and one to the future. I would invite you to look at the year that’s just passed with a positive but realistic frame of mind. A good way to do this is to ask yourself these three questions:
Q1 – What has been my single best personal achievement of 2016 ?
If this doesn’t come to mind easily, then write a list of your achievements and then select the best one. Write it down and savour it. Now consider this … Did you break or make a new habit in order to achieve this? For me, I launched a new project by giving up my habit of having to have it 100% perfect. Write down the broken habit or new habit and remember it.
Q2 – What have I LEARNT from a mistake I made in 2016 ?
Be careful with this, the focus is on what have I learnt, not making a comprehensive list of all the mistakes that you’ve made it 2016. I would encourage you not to list these, just be mindful and go with the one that you keep coming back to. Write it down like in the format … I have learnt X from the mistake Y that I made in 2016. Now if you want to go a bit further with this … Is it a mistake that you’ve made many times before? If it is, then commit to be more aware of this pattern of behaviour. For example, a friend may have taken advantage of your kind nature but you have a repeating habit (or mistake) of giving too much and not saying “no”. So be aware of this and consciously think about the balance in your friendships. Write down any repeating habits that you notice and ways you might counter them.
Q3 – What am I going to leave behind in 2016 ?
There will be something that you just don’t need anymore. It might be a cookie jar – throw it in the bin. It might be an unhelpful habit - write it down then rip it up. It could be someone that is just not good for you - imagine waving goodbye to them and wishing them well as they go on without you. Do whatever works for you.
Take time to follow these steps to reflect on the year that’s just ended and in my next BLOG I’ll outline the steps you need to choose and achieve your new goal.
